365 days…

52 weeks…

12 months…

One year of motherhood complete…

I don’t love being a mother every day. When Ray wakes up at 6:30am, on the dot mind you, yelling, “Da! Da!” I often imagine the return of my quiet mornings. My slow mornings. I would spend two hours stretching, reading/writing, drinking coffee while waiting to meet the Sun. This routine has not been completely lost but it is significantly shorter. Motherhood has taught me the art of adaptation. I now keep my yoga mat in the twins’ room. Practicing yoga while they gab to me about their dreamland adventures has become our morning ritual.

I’ve learned to surrender to the moment. I initially met ‘caring for my children’ with resistance. Accustomed to working constantly and always being on the go, I resented them for always needing me. They would play independently but as soon as I opened my computer, they could sense my attention had shifted. They demanded I be fully present with them and they would not be pacified!

I tried to work anyway, giving them as little of my time as possible. I would end the day stressed, frustrated, exhausted and late on every deadline. I finally accepted that this was not working. I let go. I allowed myself space to mourn my old life and the old me. I mourned the ‘get up and go me.’ The ‘work 10-12 hours a day’ me. I loved and appreciated her but it was time to embrace my new life and my ‘new normal.’

The new me needs sleep…an ABUNDANCE of sleep. My body needs good food; leafy greens, brightly colored veggies…yes, I try my best to eat the rainbow. Most importantly, the new me works really hard to be present; right here, right now. I don’t want to miss the everyday, mundane magic.

So let’s pour some bourbon, honoring Past Amber and let’s sip some tea, welcoming and loving on the Present.

 

2 replies on “Reflections on the first year of Motherhood

  1. I honor your new yoga routine, what with instead of soothing, ethereal music you now have twin dream tales. I have often thought, what did years and years of yoga practice do for me if not prepared me for the endurance, flexibility, focus, and yes, surrender of motherhood. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

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